OUTGROWING OLD PATTERNS

Often when we pursue personal growth, such as studying non-violent communication, whether that takes the form of reading Marshall Rosenberg's book, Non-Violent Communication: A Language of Life, or listening to his audio programs, watching YouTube videos, taking a workshop, participating in a practice group, etc., you will change, and when you change internally, your life will change externally. It's virtually guaranteed.

We pursue personal growth because we are longing for something to change in our lives; we are longing for unmet needs to be met; we are learning new skills in order to navigate our own internal landscapes and to navigate relationships and situations in new ways that will lead to more efficiency and efficacy in meeting our needs.

Yet that change, itself, can be difficult. You probably remember times when you began to grow and change and those changes were difficult, sometimes even painful.

I chose this topic for this month's blog post because it's alive in my own life, but also because we're right on the cusp of a new moon eclipse, and as you may know, the moon has a very powerful effect on life on our planet Earth. Eclipses are more than just interesting astronomical events, they increase the natural powerful effects of the moon on planet Earth. It pushes things up from our subconscious and buried emotions and calls on us to change and transform, both internally and externally.

With the February 26th new moon eclipse, it's likely that many people on this earth will be undergoing such changes, and if you are one who has intentionally sought out personal growth, you can almost guarantee that you will be feeling the discomfort of outgrowing old patterns. Like the way a snake has to peel off its top layer of skin in order to grow and expand, you too may be experiencing the discomfort and friction of peeling off a layer of your being in order to become your more authentic self.

It is uncomfortable. It's also exciting. But it can lead to a lot of confusion when the old self and the new self compete to be the guiding force in your life.

My hope is that if you are experiencing this growth dynamic at this time to recognize that it is perfectly normal. If you find yourself in conflict with certain people, situations, or even parts of yourself, it's not an indication that something is “wrong”; rather it's a natural by-product of transformation.

Another way to illustrate this process is to think about the way we often buy new clothes for growing children when it's back-to-school time. Try putting on clothes that no longer fit you – too small and tight – or maybe they just don't fit your personality anymore. Put them on and walk around in public all day; notice how uncomfortable you feel. Notice the way they pinch and restrict your arms, chest, and waist, how it's more difficult to move fluidly, how you might feel self-conscious; recognize how “not-me” the clothes feel. You can't wait to get home and rip them off, possibly even throwing them away so you never have to put them on again. Then you slip into your favorite outfit and relax, taking a deep breath, all your muscles unclenching.

That's what it's like when we are outgrowing old patterns, situations, and relationships. It's often a painful time in life because we feel that pinch and constriction, but it's more on the mental and emotional level, yet will often manifest as physical pain as well. Yet this is the time to finally break free and in fact, even if it doesn't happen right away, it will happen eventually. You will look back on your life a year from now as see how different your life has become.

If you can embrace the changes and stay in your authenticity, trust your gut, let it guide you, it will all work out for the best in the end.

I understand it can be really tough, but I also know that if you've reached this point in your life where you KNOW you have to make a change, then you have what it takes, you have what you need inside to make this journey.